September 23, 2007

I do not understand, sometimes, exactly what goes through a person’s mind.  It is Sunday evening, and I am out at my usual bar, working on school work.  I really enjoy this bar because there is typically such a diverse group of people that frequent it, and tonight is certainly no exception.  In fact, I am forgoing my normal, personal entry to be a third-party commentator on the conversations around me.  On one hand, this may be wrong – to pry into another’s life and conversation without invitation.  On the other hand, if a woman is speaking at such a volume that I can clearly hear her entire conversation from fifteen feet away, then I am going to assume that she wants an audience, and I am simply complying with her needs.  I am going to choose the latter, since it puts me at a better light.  Anyway, this particular woman is airing her grievances over her personal life – namely, her boyfriend’s issues, and what it is creating for her.  To expand on this – it seems that her boyfriend is being sued for unpaid child support by his ex-wife, or in his words, he didn’t realize he wasn’t paying enough until he amassed an unpaid sum of over ten thousand dollars.  The astonishing part of this – it isn’t the fact that someone in our world has neglected to honor their commitment to their offspring, as this happens all the time; it is rather the fact that this woman believes what he has to say, and actually diverts her anger onto his ex-wife, because she now feels that she will be partially responsible for paying his debt.  Now, I may be a bit judgmental here, but it seems to me that a man who does not wish to properly provide for his own child may not be the most suitable mate.  He may not be the type of person you’d typically want in your life, given the fact that he cannot seem to keep track of his own in an appropriate manner.  Even so, even if there is some way that this woman can overlook that, I find it to be incredible that she also begins to assume the role of the responsible party, and will continue to allow him to skirt his responsibilities.  I guess she is incredible, though, as she speaks up to defend him in the midst of all his turmoil.  She does not consider him to be the worthless louse that he appears to be, but instead condemns his ex-wife for trying to force some responsibility onto him.  How do you get to this point?  I know that I am not perfect.  I have had my share of mistakes in my past.  I have once been in a situation to where I could explain away my mate’s actions, because I felt I could eventually make a difference in his life.  That seems to be the role that women fall into; the role that we play.  It has always been our job to be the nurturer, the homemaker – to fix small problems when they arise, and to stand behind our men.  So, I guess it doesn’t seem so imaginable as to where she is coming from.  However, as we grow, we need to be able to recognize right from wrong, and correct our ways.  That is the experience that most people don’t seem to get.  Life is about growing, making choices, making mistakes, and then learning from them.  This woman, however, cannot seem to snap out of her role.  It may be the fact of the matter that this is what she perceives her role to be in this life, but at some point she stops being the victim.  At some point it becomes her choice to be taken advantage of in such a way.  I almost want to run up to her and tell her what she is doing to herself, but I feel that wouldn’t make a difference.  It seems like the only way we learn is through experience.  I hope she learns at least this.  

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