August 29, 2007

When I left class today, I noticed that I had a missed call from a number not programmed into my cell phone.  After looking at the number for a few seconds, I recognized the origin.  It was a call from an old boyfriend, whom I have not spoken to in at least three months, after a failed attempt to keep in touch and continue to be friends after the break-up (mainly due to his own reluctance).  So, after a few months of trying, extending myself, and trying to put forth my own efforts, I was met with nothing from his side.  I can live without a person wanting to be a friend.  I don’t understand the purpose of being honest to begin with, though.  What is so difficult about being honest?  Anyway, three months later, and he feels it is somehow appropriate to call – to check in, and see how I am – that was his given reason, at least.  We will settle for this for the time being since (other than calling his motivations to the forefront) there is no other given justification at this point.  I wonder about this.  It seems, more lately than not, the men I come across become increasingly concerned with my well-being.  It does not matter so much if it is someone I date or am simply acquainted with; the same question still comes up.  Female peers do not question my stability or my state of mind; it’s just males.  Why is this?  Do I appear to be weak, to the opposite sex?  Is it some kind of pre-disposition that the man has to watch over, or take care of, his women?  Maybe he’s just being nice, but it still bothers me that, in my previous experiences, there is such an emphasis placed on the “how are you” question.  One guess that I can surmise is that, apparently, a person who ends a relationship with you feels as if they are destroying a part of your life.  Sure, they are changing a part of it.  Sure, it may suck.  However, I don’t get the whole “life destruction” emphasis that is placed on something like this.  I don’t  understand why one single person believes they are the sole reason for your existence, and to remove themselves from your existence will send you crumbling.  In general, it seems that people tend to have a tender heart and/or sympathetic view of you if you are a single woman, regardless of how you are really doing – even a person you’ve dated.  What is so great about his single existence to where he feels the need to still look out for you?  It is as if he is implying a certain weakness on me that is just expected.  Anyway…I guess I will not know what his real intentions are with this phone call.  It’s just not worth my effort and time to try to get this answer out of him. 

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